The butthole tickler and other stories

I’d like to think of myself as a refined person who does not laugh at fart jokes.

But i guess i am not as refined as i’d like to be. Other than fart jokes, i also laugh at the mere mention of things to do with butt, shit and stuff. I just came across a piece of news on facebook that says:

Man Arrested For Breaking Into Homes And Tickling People’s Buttholes

Knowing it’s fake does not make it any less funny. Hahhahah.

I think i shouldn’t conceal the fact that i did not immediately know it’s fake… I had to ask google. Google showed something even more ridiculous.

The Texas Butthole Tickling Bandit Has Finally Been Caught, And Bums Unclench

So graphic. I can picture middle aged white man sleeping with bums clenched finally relax their glutes. Eww. But hahahahaha.

Okay, now that i have a head full of butthole related thoughts. Let me share with you a somewhat relevant story.

Back when i was selling insurance, i told my prospective clients that buying insurance is like making sure there’s toilet paper before taking a shit. Not everyone appreciate my toilet reference, but it works most of the time to get my point across.

I didn’t know how meaningful my toilet paper pitch was until recently when a friend told me that he realize there was no toilet paper after taking a shit.

Of course i’m very amused by his misfortune but he was surprisingly cool about it. He said first aid training prepped him well.

“Look. Listen. Feel.”

  • Open the cubicle door slightly and see if there’s anyone out there.
  • Listen for footsteps.
  • Trust your instinct.

“When the coast is clear, make a run to the nearest empty cubicle.”

“Leave pants half-way down!”

So you won’t have to worry about shit stain for the rest of the day… he made a good i think.

100% true story. Hope you learnt something from reading my blog today!

Back to ridiculous fake news headlines. Kudos to the writers behind them, where did so much ridiculous creativity come from? I wonder what’s their job title. Must be fun…

Pro armpit hair braider embazzeled 83 customer’s pubes for her collection

Am i any good at it?