My yoga fails, week 1

I’m currently following the Yoga For Absolute Beginners program on Doyogawithme.com, and I’ll be blogging about the times when I question the functionality of my body in this series. If you have ever felt embarrassed for not being able to do simple things, like touching your toes, or any other poses that everyone else seems to be able to do – know that you’re not alone.

Week 1 has been easy enough. I managed to get on the mat about four times, mostly doing neck stretches… a lot of neck stretches. I started to feel challenged when I tried following the fourth class.

The move I have the most trouble with is the Superman, lifting opposite arm and leg, alternating from side to side. I somehow just cannot coordinate!

I tend to put my non-working arm down on the mat while both arms are supposed to be off the mat at all times. By right, the non-working leg can rest on the mat for support, but I can’t seem to do that… if I have both arms off the mat, both legs tend to come up?

I was wobbling around like a boat in choppy water, can you imagine?

*Cringes*

 

Yoga Superman
Beginners’ Yoga for Shoulder Strength with Melissa taken from Doyogawithme.com

 

It has been a year!

*Coughs*

This blog is dustier than my grandma’s sewing machine.

It took me one year to find my way back here, wow. I didn’t realize i’ve been gone this long till i was showing my new boyfriend that i have a blog!

Yes, much has changed since the last time i told you about sticky bras.

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Confirming the previous point… I have a new boyfriend, and today we are celebrating our fifth month together. We met through a dating app and i’m pretty sure we’re in love. I’ll tell you more about him one day, maybe.

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About grandmother. My 92-year-old grandmother has become extremely frail. She’s bed-ridden and ‘eats’ through a nasal tube. Some days she remembers me, some days she doesn’t. She used to ask, ‘when are you visiting me again?’ without every time. She no longer does that. Seems like her days with us are numbered… but i haven’t been visiting as much because it feels like it doesn’t matter anymore.

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I’ve become a private tutor and i have 3 students. Spending time with children is making me feel young, not. I’ve become more motherly than ever. But i’ve already decided (with my new boyfriend) that i’m not gonna have a baby until 35…. so yea.

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I’ve been suffering a sickening backache for a few months now. At one point, thanks to google and Webmd, i thought my spine bones were gonna fuse together! *Shudders*

Friends think i’m ridiculous for thinking that. But anyway. It caused me to abandon my kettlebell home workouts and reacquainted me to the yoga mat. This website has been keeping me motivated for a lil over one week, i’ll let you know how it goes… I’ve also been diligently taking fish oil supplement which seems to help with the pain!

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One of my girlfriends, Gem, recently inspired me to adopt the 11-steps Korean skincare routine. She looks younger than she did about a year ago, and the products she bought from Qo10 are like $20 a bottle. I’m sold.

I went to find my long forgotten botanical skin serum etc (over a hundred bucks from the dermatologist *pissed*) so now my skincare routine looks like this:

  1. Jojoba oil (night only)
  2. Natural soap bar
  3. Retinol A. Gel bought cheaply from Bangkok
  4. Botanical skin serum from the dermatologist
  5. Green tea seed serum sample from Innisfree
  6. Clay mask bought cheaply from Little India or Volcanic ash mask sample from Innisfree (weekly)
  7. Sheet mask from Innisfree (weekly)

I’m really looking forward to getting the Cosrx brand Korean snail serum (highly recommended by baby-skin Gem) in my mail, that’s gonna replace my Innisfree sample.

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I’ve gone braless in public more than a few times now. I consider that an achievement unlocked… It has been one year and my issue against bras is getting more intense. I spent about one hour googling about the society’s issue against female nipples prior to writing this blog.

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Okay, that’s all i have for now. Sincerely hope the next entry wouldn’t have to wait for this loooong.

 

My very first sticky bra experience

I was wearing this camisole with a really unique neckline that would expose even my tiniest strapless bra. My options were to go commando or wear a sticky bra. Sticky bra seriously does not work for me, once I step out of the house, it was threatening to fall off. Once I reached the ground floor, I could feel gushes of wind threading through gaps that were not supposed to be there!

I could have turned back and change out of this horror waiting to happen, but then I thought I should just pull through it. I’m already 26. It is actually kind of late to be wearing a sticky bra for the first time, right?

In the time of extreme insecurity like these, I always text my best friend because she tends to patronize me and I like being patronized.

“Make sure it doesn’t drop on the floor like a chicken fillet!”

chicken-boneless-breast-1

What a very graphic, but also golden, advice. I spent the next three hours pressing down the sticky bra as discreetly as I know how. With my wrist, with my thumb (while pretending to scratch my ribs), with my phone… I’m sure I tried every possible way to do it.

Interesting fact: three hours is a very long time.

Especially when you’re wearing a sticky bra that’s not sticky enough, or when you have blisters from breaking in a new pair of shoes. You know, the kind of shit situation that is not bad enough to make you act immediately, so you end up living in semi-misery for a long time.

Anyway, moral of this story is that I had my first and last sticky bra experience. Because nipple sticks are also not my friend, I’m gonna have to find out if sporting nipple-shadows is considered indecent exposure in Singapore.

Till then, I’ll steer clear from unreasonable clothes and resign to the fact that I’ll never be a fashionista.

Fake sheet masks

Now that I have a lot more time on hand, I’ve started using hydrating sheet masks again. I like those from Innisfree; they are selling at $2 each.

I was very motivated to get on with ‘masking’ by an article on hello giggles. On top of that, my skin is exceptionally dehydrated (although oily) from my coffee addiction and overuse of anti-acne products throughout my teenage years. So I dug out all my left over sheet masks from my 2014 trip to Korea’s airport (it was on the way to Beijing) and bought five more from Innisfree. I used one every night for five days straight, took two days break over the weekend and resumed with using one on alternate nights.

My skin was really hydrated and much clearer, even my facialist noticed!

I found the same Innisfree sheet mask I was using on Lazada (an online marketplace) at $15 for 10 pieces. I was so pleased! Until a while ago… when I realize that those 10 pieces I bought online are counterfeits.

Good job for not taking out the garbage for over two weeks! If I learned anything from watching Dr. House, it’s that garbage provides useful insights.

I was wearing the fake sheet masks and feeling all sorts of anxiety when I first started writing this post. I was almost expecting to feel my skin bumpy and tight as I splashed off the excessive goo.

But no. My skin feels really really nice, if not better. And it looks good, no redness and somewhat refined. The mask also did fit better than the original Innisfree mask.

Oh, dilemma. What if the fake sheet masks are better? Even if I head back to Lazada for my next stock-up, there’s no way I can be sure to get the same fake, I mean pirated, sheet masks.

This is such a strange situation to be in.

I’ll definitely head to an Innisfree store for the real stuff if I wake up to screwed skin tomorrow. Then there will be no dilemma. But of course, I do not want that to happen!

Fingers crossed, please let me wake up with baby skin.

innisfree bija mask

Update: I did wake up with almost-baby skin! Even my grand mother’s Pinoy helper was impressed.

 

Second metal straw gone and other wordvomits

A few updates…

I’ve embarked on #PlasticFreeJuly challenge. It’s an Australian movement to eradicate use of disposable plastic, so for this month i pledged not to use plastic straws, cup lids, plastic bags and something else which i cannot remember.

And i lost my metal straw again!

Second metal straw gone from my life. Metal straw is supposed to last forever… but i guess it doesn’t work for the chronically absent minded.

I’m not over how the person clearing tables at Mos Burger can trash my precious straw. Isn’t it very obviously non-disposable?

We’re so accustomed to trashing things that it doesn’t even matter what material things are made of anymore.

“Wtf is this? Don’t know. Trash!”

The month of July is almost ending… I’m so unsuccessful with this challenge that it’s almost painful. As ridiculous as it sounds, losing my second metal straw was very big to me.

It threw me off so much that at one point i felt like damn it i don’t give a shit anymore. I thought it was better to keep all my precious stuff in the house so i’ll never lose anything. I might as well just stay at home every day.

Okay, now that it’s written in words… it’s even more ridiculous. I’m very fickle minded about saving plastic and really quite exhausted by this whole idea.

Not cool to feel like an hypocrite everyday. 

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I went diving at Tioman last weekend. Spotted a Dasani plastic bottle wedge between the branches (?) of piece of hard coral. I left it there.

I should have picked it up.

By the way, I’m certified as advance diver now. It means i can dive deeper, navigate with a compass and do all those things in the dark! Makes me feel like i’ve accomplished something. Looking forward to my next dive.

I’m also convinced that sharks likes me. Not sure how I feel about it. I both fear and love sharks to the same degree.

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School is starting tomorrow and I was submitting my pre-class quiz. My new semester is so heavy it makes me feel like screaming and crying.

Since i’m the person who requested for a heavier semester (so i can finish my degree a bit faster), it’s my fault. No right to scream or cry, or even complain about it. So i’m just sort of imploding and hating myself a little.

I’ve been scheduled for two weeks of hell with back to back assignment due dates and stuff. Two weeks of hell is happening in 14 days (counting down in my side bar).

I want to puke.

“You won’t die from it right?”

That’s what one of my NParks’ colleague (who’s also studying) told me when I was freaking out about school. I need to keep reminding myself that due dates won’t kill me.

Om…

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On a happier note!

I’m going to Hanoi with my best friend. We went to Chiang Mai together when we were 21, now we’re 26. It has been 5 years!

I hope this sticks.

Every 5 years we’ll make a trip to a country that’s economically less developed than Singapore… where there’s natural bodies of water clean enough for us to swim in.

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I’ve also started using Twitter again. It’s find to get reacquainted with “old” social media platforms. Where people seems a lot less pretentious than the Instagram crowed. I’m @pphiyphiy there, find me if you like.

I’m also looking forward to #PokemonGo. Made plans with myself to go cycling and catch them all!

Okay, i feel happier now.

Let me come up with a title for this post and be back to UniSim’s homepage.

 

 

 

 

The butthole tickler and other stories

I’d like to think of myself as a refined person who does not laugh at fart jokes.

But i guess i am not as refined as i’d like to be. Other than fart jokes, i also laugh at the mere mention of things to do with butt, shit and stuff. I just came across a piece of news on facebook that says:

Man Arrested For Breaking Into Homes And Tickling People’s Buttholes

Knowing it’s fake does not make it any less funny. Hahhahah.

I think i shouldn’t conceal the fact that i did not immediately know it’s fake… I had to ask google. Google showed something even more ridiculous.

The Texas Butthole Tickling Bandit Has Finally Been Caught, And Bums Unclench

So graphic. I can picture middle aged white man sleeping with bums clenched finally relax their glutes. Eww. But hahahahaha.

Okay, now that i have a head full of butthole related thoughts. Let me share with you a somewhat relevant story.

Back when i was selling insurance, i told my prospective clients that buying insurance is like making sure there’s toilet paper before taking a shit. Not everyone appreciate my toilet reference, but it works most of the time to get my point across.

I didn’t know how meaningful my toilet paper pitch was until recently when a friend told me that he realize there was no toilet paper after taking a shit.

Of course i’m very amused by his misfortune but he was surprisingly cool about it. He said first aid training prepped him well.

“Look. Listen. Feel.”

  • Open the cubicle door slightly and see if there’s anyone out there.
  • Listen for footsteps.
  • Trust your instinct.

“When the coast is clear, make a run to the nearest empty cubicle.”

“Leave pants half-way down!”

So you won’t have to worry about shit stain for the rest of the day… he made a good i think.

100% true story. Hope you learnt something from reading my blog today!

Back to ridiculous fake news headlines. Kudos to the writers behind them, where did so much ridiculous creativity come from? I wonder what’s their job title. Must be fun…

Pro armpit hair braider embazzeled 83 customer’s pubes for her collection

Am i any good at it?

Short life of my metal straw

Hey,

I’m upset that I lost my metal straw, it was given to me by a colleague (whom I will not be working with much longer). It would have made a meaningful memento cos I will always remember NParks as the place I found friends who embrace my eco-friendly quirks.

I left it in the cup at the coffee shop. I actually went back for it, but too late… it was thrown into the rubbish bin along with all the other plastic straws. Within minutes.

Are all straws destined to live such short lives?

I love using straws, it makes whatever I’m drinking feels more hydrating than if I am to drink directly from a cup. I also believe using a straw protects my teeth from getting stained and prevents choking.

But a straw can get stuck in a sea turtle’s nose. It’s bad for the environment!

Just placed and order online, I bought a set of 3 this time.

Would love to talk more about metal straws but it’s getting late.

Good night!